Monday, July 09, 2007

The Mistake

I’m posting today because I’ve recently had some creative success। I think this was my first time creating art out of my melancholy - which I’ve always had trouble doing। I’ve always thought it important to show happiness in my art, so that the viewer will be uplifted when they look at my work. Maybe I wasn’t completely right about that. Maybe uplifting art can come out of brokenness.

Its been really a rough time for me lately. The episodes of bi-polar illness that I have seem to be creeping up much more frequently. Bi-polar illness is a cyclical illness, where the depressions and manias come back over certain time periods. I’m currently in the midst of an episode which has affected me at my job, causing me to lose concentration and focus. Since I have some time on my hands presently, I decided I would go back to my roots in my Christianity. Looking at Christ on the cross represents something to me and I decided to start sketching a painting. The idea came to me to do separate paintings of Jesus’ feet, hands, torso, and head. The separateness being a metaphor for brokenness - which is basically how I’m feeling right now.

So I was inspired to create the first of this series; Christ‘s feet। It’s been a long time and so much emotion was put into this painting - as if the depths of my heart was being put into it। It made me happy. I finished it and two days passed. I was ready to sign it and then it all came crashing down. Can you see why?

How could I have missed that? What was I thinking? I painted two left feet!!! LOL! I have to laugh about it now, but I cried when I realized it. It’s a good painting, but I think this one will stay in hiding. How embarrassing. My mother suggested I show it anyway and call it The Mistake.